Almost

I've waited until I had the chance to tell my mom before blogging about this, so it waited a little. Last week I had a "chemical pregnancy". This means an egg was fertilized but it didn't stay. So I went through a wide range of emotions last week. So happy and then so sad and angry. The silver lining is that although I ovulated on the right fertilization happened so the right tube must be open.

I tested positive on Sunday and because of my early work schedule, I couldn't re-test until Thursday and on Thursday I began spotting in the morning before the test and discussed this with the nurse. The nurse said that there is nothing I could do either way but that the test would show if my hcg levels went down. I went about my day and slowly experienced more cramping then bleeding.

I felt "bummed" and sad as I drove home but tried not to cry because I was driving. I cried a little and thought when I get home I'll have a hot shower and a good cry but that didn't happen. I didn't get low down like I would have thought, I got angry. I growled and swore and felt way better! I was so much better that hubby was concerned that I wasn't grieving but I told him I cried a little on the way home and especially giving him a call and telling him what was happening lifted the weight of grief.

I can say that I have absolutely grown emotionally this month and ever more closer and appreciative of my hubby.

So I'm taking a cycle off just as the fertility clinic recommends. The nurse said that I could take a dose of clomid if my tests were absolute zero by day 3 and I really wanted to get back to it quickly, but I declined. It may be okay medically to try again right away but I'd feel weird about it. I need to take this cycle to be a little sad for the little life that almost was and start fresh next time.

Hope to be stickier next time...

TTFN