New Cycle

I didn’t know where I would start today but the answer just showed up. Yesterday was day 45 and today is day 1. Fertility the first issue I will get into more detail about. So I have been trying to have a child for about 2 years now (lots of infertility denial at work). I am waiting for news about my referral to One Fertility although they are not open until June. So where are my emotions at? I am feeling relaxed and relieved.
Huh? Hoping to conceive and relieved that it didn’t happen this cycle? No, relaxed and relieved that I made it through a cycle without feeling like a crazy person. 2 years of hoping every cycle (albeit irregular) and never having it come true made me feel crazy. But “Ahaaaaaaaaaa” *sing the angels* I made it through a cycle without being obsessed about pregnancy symptoms or fighting the urge to take a pregnancy test. I can have hormones and emotions AND be a functioning logical woman! Woo hoo! I did it! Thus I am relaxed and relieved because my plan to focus on myself for the next little while is working.
My plans are to work on my health and weight loss, educate myself about mental health and avoiding the “crazy person” feeling, and find fulfillment and balance in my career and financial contribution to my marriage. As my plan continues to be successful I will find myself on a healthier more sure footing to investigate our fertility and take the steps I need to take toward my hearts desire. In closing I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge my disappointment that aunt flo showed up again and also acknowledge that I want to eat chips and chocolate right now. Maybe I'll blog about chips and chocolate substitutes tomorrow...
TTFN